A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying 'God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa.'
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye grandpa?'
The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.'
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma.'
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my God, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, 'God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy.'
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, 'HONEY, I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?' He said, 'I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life.'
She said 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbor James dropped dead on our Porch.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ De-Morgan's Law, Binomial Avenue, United States of Matrices. My Dear Love, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function. Yours ever loving, Pythagoras |
| I Need You! My need for you is strong. I think of you and my heart races, My body trembles, and my spirit soars. I try to fight the craving for you, But I know the cause is lost. I must have you again. I fear that the world will someday know About my weakness for you. I know that if I go to you For one more taste of you, My guilt will overcome me And a heavy penance will be paid. But my resolve weakens and crumbles. I go to you, I take you and hold you. The wonderful smell of you fills my senses. This is insane, why can't resist you? I know that any other can have you If they but pay the price. But my need for you overwhelms me And I slowly strip you bare. My mouth aches for the taste of you. My tongue gently caresses you And the flavor of you fills my mouth. My body relaxes and my eyes close. The delicious sensation rushes through my body. Ahhhhhhh, CHOCOLATE!!! |
|
|
~~~~~~~~~~~~
First Love Marriage : Resembles procedural programming language. We
have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together,
making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions
to the candidate we like.
It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with
time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Family system hangs because hardware (called parents) is not responding.
You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and
execution of PROJECT- married life.
Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food,
washing clothes etc.
Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never
knows when it will crash!
Now for the Arranged Marriage :Similar to object oriented programming
approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement
functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main
program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible
Compatible with hardware (Parents).
You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are
responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not
be taken back!
Arranged Marriage is like Unix... boring n colorless... still
extremely reliable and robust.
Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative;}
Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}
Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}
Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}
Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making;}
Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}
Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five surgeons are discussing who are the best type of surgical patients.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating
table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best,
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers
... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over
at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no
heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.
1. You can stare at any Girl.......
************ *
2. You don't have to spend money on her.
************ *
3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.
************ *
4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.
************ *
5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.
************ *
6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.
************ *
7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.
************ *
8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.
************ *
9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.
************ *
10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.
************ *
11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.
************ *
12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.
************ *
13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.
************ *
14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.
************ *
15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.
************ *
16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks.
************ *
17. No nonstop nonsense.
************ *
18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.
************ *
19. No tension.
************ *
20. You can be "urself"
************ *
21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.....
Do read it once...........I am sure u also won't be left untouched by the words and the feelings that they depict.
The last stanza, after reading from the beginning, suddenly slows down the heart-beats..
DAD - BABY RACHEL - MOM
A sad Dad's poem...
This is a beautiful poem. There is an appeal from a Zimbabwean
couple at the bottom of message, not asking for anything more
than that you hand the poem on.
The husband wrote the poem.
TO MY CHILD
Just for this morning, I am going to
smile when I see your face and laugh
when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you
choose what you want to wear,
and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step
over the laundry and pick you up and take you to
the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the
dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put
that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug
the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with
you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell
once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and
whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one
if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry
about what you are going to be when you grow up, or
second guess every decision I have made where you are
concern ed.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you
help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you
trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us
to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can
have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in
my arms and tell you a story about how you were
born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you
splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you
stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle
beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my
finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be
grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and
fathers who are searching for their missing children, the
mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's
graves instead of their bedrooms. The mothers
and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming
inside that little body
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold
you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then,
that I will thank God for you, and ask him for
nothing, except one more day.............
Hi! I am a 29-year-old father. My wife and I have had a wonderful life together. God blessed us with a child too. Our daughter's name is Rachel and she is 10 months old. Not long ago did the doctors detect brain cancer in her little body.
There is only one way to save her and that is an operation. Sadly we don't have the money for the operation. AOL and Zdnet (in Zimbabwe ) have agreed to help us.
The only way they can help is this: If you send this email to other people< BR>AOL will track this email and count how many people get it. Every person that opens this email and sends it to at least 3 people will give us 32c. (in Zimbabwe dollars) Please help us
|
|
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the
Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white
and The music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)
1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.
2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain
3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.
4. HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.
5. HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.
6. HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.
7. The boss criticised HIM.
He'll prove his performance.
The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.
8. HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?
9. HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.
10. HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
11. HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?
12. HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.
Some of the here may be rather sexist, chauvinistic, supercilious, vapid, racist, tasteless, offensive and emotionally backward, but we have to be slightly sober for censorship reasons and cannot show Hindi films in their full crowning glory
MUST SCENES FOR EVERY FILM
Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain , and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine)
If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes / heroines will die or take off to foreign country at the end of the movie.
If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes
Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.
The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot
When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never miss run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die)
Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of pots, barrels, glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
Any movie involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by the brothers their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax) the family dog/cat. The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.
There will always be one song in which heroine is scantily dressed and singing in rain.
There will always be one rape scene
HERO
The Hero is the person who gets the woman in the end and kills everyone with moles on their faces. The hero shaves, drinks, drives, gesticulates and picks several fights. He normally has a mother who seldom has a lover. He may have a moustache, but never has a beard, unless he is in disguise or utter poverty. He delivers his lines with minimum style, and except for those lines in which he grimaces, he is totally stone-faced. If the hero has a comic side to him, he says very little of consequence in the entire film and does not die in the end.
Tere saamne teri maut khadi hai
Kuttay !!
Tumhare liye meri jaan bhi haazir hai
Mere paas meri mari maa ka ashirwad hai.
Apne Aaadmiyon se kaho ki bandookein phhek de
Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti
Mere hotey huay tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta
Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai
Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de
Khabardaar joe Usse haat bhee lagaya
Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ...
Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu....
Arre, tum to mere bicchade huay bhai ho
HEROINE
The heroine is the stupidest of all Hindi film characters. She normally settles for a man with no class, and even lesser money. She is usually a lot younger and seriously better looking than the hero, even when the hero is the kind whose insipid persona leaves nothing but the looks to matter. Her father is either ridiculously rich or pathetically poor. Any heroine who starts the film in short skirts ends it in sarees. One who doesn't is the vamp.
Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhod do
Hato. Tum bade woh ho
Naheen!
Mein tumhare bagair nahin reh sakti
Maa ne tumhe ghar bulaya hai
Main usse pyar karti hoon
Humne pyar kiya hai koi gunah nahin
Kuchh goonde mere pichhe pade hai
Baar baar mera pichha kyon karte ho
Koi Dekh Lega
Maine tumhe kya samjha, aur tum kya nikley!
HERO'S SISTER
The hero's sister invariably has her modesty outraged. She seldom lasts beyond a few scenes and in rarest cases lives to see the end of the film. If there is ever a poignant scene highlighting the brother-sister relationship, it is a clear indicator of the sister's soon to follow death.
Mein tumhare bachhe ki maa ban ne wali hoon
Mere bhaiya ko lambi umar dena, bhagwan
Mere bhai pe koi aanch na aye
Khabardar jo mujhe chhua bhi, main apni jaan dey doongi
Bhaiyya, tum mere liye ek pyaari si bhabhi kab laaonge
Main kissi ko muh dikhane layak nahi rahi
Bhagwaan ke liye, meri suhaag mat ujaado
Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do
VILLAIN
Undoubtedly, the villain has the most fun. He nearly gets close to rape the heroine & beats the hero, & kidnap his family in the climax. Sometimes he gets the chance to kill them too !!!
Tum sign karte ho ke nahi ?
Itni achi cheez bhagwaan ke liye chod doon. Kabhi nahin
Ab Saare Hindustan par hamara raaz hoga
Batao faarmoola kahan hay?
Tumhari maa hamare kabze main hai
Kahan jaa rahi ho chhamak chhalon
In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai
Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega
Yahan teri cheekh sunne walah koi nahin
Bula tere bhagwan ko-- dekhta hoon kaun ata hai?
Kis maai ke laal mein itni himmat hai jo mujhse takrayega ?
Gaddari ki ek hi sazaa hoti hai, maut
Uski koi kamzori hogi, koi maa ya behan?
VILLAINS SIDEKICK's
The villain's cronies normally have quite a raw deal. They seldom get the better women to molest, and even when they do, they have to make do with sharing one among at least ten. They are always hammered by the hero and his sidekick, and return to further hammering from their 'boss' the villain. They are normally dark skinned (!) have moles, beards and wear handkerchiefs around their necks.
Boss, Maine tumhara namak khaya hain
Boss! Maal pakda gaya.
Tumhe Boss ne bulaya hain
Ok Boss
DOCTORS
Doctors in Hindi films are of two kinds, the first is the family/ neighbourhood/ fairy-tale doctor who arrives in slums on rainy midnights to announce high fever and death, and the second is the 'expensive-beyond-lawful-means' doctor who delivers babies, cures near-death cases and drives all his billpayers to crime.
Mujh par bharosa rakhiye
I am sorry
Iska to bahot khoon bahey chooka hai. Phoren operation karna padega.
Bhagwan ne chaha to sab thik hoga.
Badhai ho, tum baap bannay waalay ho
Iski haalat bahot najook hai
Tumhe sakt aaram ki jaroorat hai
Jaldi se woh dawayee lao.
Ab sabh kuch oopar waley ke haath mein hain
Ab main kuch bhi nahin kar sakta.
Bacche ko to hum ney bacha liya par maa...
THE LAW
Contrary to popular belief, there is in fact a concept of law and order in Hindi films. Upholders of the law in Hindi films are of two kinds, the police and the judiciary, quite as it is in real life. The police pick up thugs and the judges let them off
Order..Order..
Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo
Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai
Kanoon ko saboot chahiye
Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai
Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai
Milord..
HERO / HEROINE's FATHER
The father is normally a symbol of outright pathos, either cringing to the worldly demands of having unmarried daughters or the burden of having a violent son with little ambition beyond rotating around trees. If the father is an honest, upright citizen - he is shot in the first few frames by the villain who has little use for his moralities
Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain
Agar toonay aisa kiya toh - mujhse burra koi nahin hogaaa
Ek baar iske haath pile kar doon, phir mein chain se mar sakta hoon
Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein
Beti to paraya dhan hai.
Mere jeeteji yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti.
Main jald hi dahez ki sari rakam chuka doonga
Yeh aap kya kah rahen hai, bhai sahib
Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe
Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha ?
Main kahta hoon, Door ho jaa meri nazron sey
MOTHER
Any widow in a Hindi film is a mother. Anyone marrying a character actor in the beginning of the film and bearing two children is sure to be widowed. The sons thereafter are likely to grow up to be the main protagonists. Sewing machine is her favourite timepass tool and she will always make halwa for her son.
Mera Raja beta
Mera ashirwad sada tere saath hai.
Tujhe ek maa ki aah lagegi
Mera beta aisa kabhi nahin kar sakta.
Mera beta teri maut bankar aayega, thakur!
Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta...
Mere bete ki raksha karna prabhu
Kya apni maa ki baat nahi maanega?
Mera achha beta, jaldi se dudh peekar bada ho jaa.
Is budhi maa ka tumhare siwa aur kaun hai?
Mere Raja bete ko aaj mein apne haaton se khilaaongi
Hey bhagwan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna
Maine tere liye gajar ka halwa banaya hai
Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..
Mar, Mar isse betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya
MOTHER-IN-LAW
The most nasal voice in the cast belongs to the mother-in-law. She has usually got a dead husband, or one who gives 'henpecked' new dimensions. She specialises in kicking the heroine / hero's sister / bhabhi while she is sweeping the floor. She seldom dies, but always gets her come-uppance in the end when her husband, after years of ayurveda and yoga regains his lost vitality, insults her in public and forces her into submission.
Chudeil! Kide pade tere .....
Tere baap ke bheje huey iss sari ka too kya karegi. Chal, mujhe dey
Ey Chudail, ab kaha se mooh kala karke aayee hain?
Aah Haa Haa, Maharani, waha baithey baithey kya kar rahi hain
Arri Kalmoohi, Kaha mar gayi
Eh Kulta, tere baap ne ab tak dahej ki rakam nahin chukayi
Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer
from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "
Second law:
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
Third law:
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap.
Name: Pakya Bhai Supariwala
Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education:
- B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
- M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.
Thesis:
'On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts'
Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design
Work Experience:
- Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990 - Aug 1991
- Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
- Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent No. 007,13,666)
Summer Internship:
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987 - July1990
- Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
- Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections
Honors and Achievements:
- Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
- Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
- Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar and U.P.
- Strong hold on Govt. and NGOs.
- Specialized in extortion, illegal construction business and fake academic degree supply.
References:
- Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
- Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
- Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai
A doctor tells a rich old man that he's going to die if he doesn't get a new heart soon.
The old man tells the doctor to search the world for the best heart available, money is no object. A few days later the doctor calls the old man and says he has found three hearts but they are all expensive.
The old man reminds the doctor that he is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about the donors they came from.
'Well, the first one belonged to 22 year old marathon runner, never smoked, ate only the most healthy foods, was in peak condition when he was hit by a bus. No damage to the heart, of course. But it costs $100,000!'
The old man, waving off the last part about the cost, asks the doctor to tell him about the second donor.
'This one belonged to a 16 year old long-distance swimmer, high school kid. Lean and mean. Drowned when he hit his head on the side of the pool. That heat will set you back $150,000!'
'Okay,' said the old man, 'what about the third heart?'
'Well this one belonged to a 58 year-old man, smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, weighed over 300 pounds, never exercised, drank like a fish... this heart is going for $500,000!!!'
'Five-hundred grand?!?!', the old man exclaimed, 'why so expensive?'
'Well', said the doctor, 'this heart belonged to a lawyer... so it was never used!'
At a doctors surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of seriousbackache.
The doctor examines him and asks him " What the hell did you do to yourback?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise . On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was still dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw at him, That's how I sprained my back.
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor says "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now ..Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives , he looks even worse than the first two patients do.
The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
"Well I was hiding in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor.
One man got a child ....
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1 year later - man asked the child-what to gift you?
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child said
ping pong ball
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2'nd b'day-
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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3rd b'day
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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4th bday
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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5th bday
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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6thb'day
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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24th bday
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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he got married
at honeymoon
Wife-what do u want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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25th bday
Wife - what gift you want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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26th bday
Wife - what gift you want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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27th bday
Wife - what gift you want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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his kids become 15 yrs old
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40th bday
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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41st b'day
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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42nd bday
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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79th b'day
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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time for his death
all the people from whom he took ping pong ball
(Like his Wife, kids and all others) came to him and asked
Why did you ask for ping pong ball all the time?
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He said give me a ping pong ball then I will tell you...
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Then those people gave him a ping pong ball
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He said when I will be extremely near to death then I will tell
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During those last moments when he is about to die
everyone reached him and asked
tell us why did you ask for ping pong ball always?
he said.
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I asked for a ping pong ball on my every b'day because
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And he Died... before he could tell the Reason...
What a tragedy! What a tragedy!!! Hmmmm?