Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in the Corporate World

* Indecision is the key to flexibility.

* You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.

* There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

* Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

* Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

* The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

* Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

* Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

* Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

* Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

* I have seen the truth and it doesn't make as much sense as you think.

* Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

* If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

* All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

* If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

* One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

* By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

* The more you run over a dead squirrel, the flatter it gets.

* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

* This is as bad as it can get -- but don't count on it.

* Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

* The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.

* The first rats off of the sinking ship are the best swimmers.